This post is dedicated to Spice Lee, the acclaimed director most famous for his film Do the Right Thing – a powerhouse movie about the spiracial/herbal tensions surrounding an Oregano-owned pizza shop in 1980s Brooklyn and which stars Rosemary Perez, an ice cube, and Spice Lee himself. You see, Spice Lee commented on my last post, saying…:
Waiting for your post on the KWAKMAS 2011 TV special. I heard the actual Liam Neeson showed up dressed as Liam Neeson the cat and there was a show stopping performance by Koyote in front of an audience of actual coyotes.
…so I thought I should, you know, step up to audience demand and talk to you about holiday festivities & about my TV special.
The Kwakmas 2011 TV special was livestreamed to an exclusive guest list — so exclusive, in fact, that I can’t show you any footage without angering members of the guest list. You will just have to my word for it that…
- A competitive eating competition involving ten thousand sugar cookies over-coated with red and green sprinkles was held, and I beat both Takeru Kobayashi and The Black Widow. Kobayashi got so mad that he started running around the stage furiously, waving his hands around and screaming, and he dusted the floor with about a dozen pounds of sprinkles.
- Liam Neeson the actor — who had heard about how I was pining for Liam Neeson the cat during my winter vacation – smothered himself with white and grey cotton balls, festooned his nose with pipe cleaners, and started meowing on stage.
- Koyote performed. At first I was miffed that an OLD kpop group was performing (and not a group like TVXQ), but once I realized actual coyotes were in the audience and howling with joy, I started to relax and showed off some of my bboy moves. My parents danced the macarena.
This is what the I would look like to you if we met at a bar (with, like, a really tall ceiling), and you had one too many egg nog:
Overall, I rate Kwakmas a 10 out of a 10, and I hope that you all have had/are having very nice holiday festivities, too 
