New Project Dispatch for April. May is HEE-YAH.

While I would like to say that I have been Away From Keyboard, in reality I have been/and will be Always On Keyboard (A-OK).

This is what Microsoft Excel dreams about when it goes to sleep, when that lil’ laptop’s lid has been clicked shut, and those spreadsheets are bundled in graph paper-print blankets.

[This particular dream was visualized using Paint Joy (an app for Android) and then slicing/editing/mixing images in Photoshop]

“80s art”; construction paper and pen; 12″ x 12″

First of all, here’s a new Project Dispatch dispatch (♥ dem word twins) I sent for March!  This one is all about eightiesart.tumblr.com, Yellow Magic Orchestra, neon socks, cone bras, power suits, synth solos, and answering machine jingles.

Secondly, sorry I haven’t posted in awhile. Ahaha.  And, just to note — while I may not update this often, I am pretty big on using Tumblr now, so please add me there if you wanna.

Lands collide so slowly to produce mountains. Mountains seem to just sit there. With the help of an animated gif and Photoshop, however, I can watch a mountain move, and I can skip figuring out a way to live for 1000 years in order to do so!

Just sent this out for this month’s Project Dispatch subscription!

Been feeling a ittle cray cray lately and making unhealthy choices like drinking soda!  Taking Advil at night!  (Are you all gasping now?)  As a result, I’ve gotten sick and talk in a raspy monotone voice and hate riding the metro even more than I normally do because I am really bad at coughing nonchalantly.

“stab wound”; watercolor, pen on paper; 9″ x 12″

Isn’t it crazy how we don’t know what the insides of our bodies look like unless somehow our bodies get cut into, or we swallow tiny video cameras, etc?  I would like to imagine that my insides are an assortment of geometric shapes or a cluster of stardust, but probably  (probably!) I’m a bunch of guts and blood and Diet Coke.  In fact, I think I one day I’ll draw an image of my insides as stacks of Diet Coke cans — I feel that is an accurate representation of what I’ve been drinking and what I must be composed of lately.

Also, I just put some postcards in the mail for the next Pretty/Much Collective mail art exhibit.  Here is a little taste of what I sent — remember to swirl & sniff before you view!:

“bleary eyed mtn”; watercolor, pen, colored pencil on paper; 4″ x 6″

2 haikus about my experience drawing/painting this:

(1)

painting is stellar

but  – you may not believe this –

drawing is fo’ real

(2)

cats perch on the desk

tackling pen, brush, pencil

as lines move like fish

(2) is a little too serious sounding, but YUP, I’m definitely becoming a professional haiku writer in the future (probably when I’ve retired)

Updated “biology nerd glyph” in MS Paint (wanted to give Photoshop a rest, but I did use it to make this into an animated gif).  Fingers are numb.  Heart is swelling in love and romance because I do love animated gifs, and I haven’t made one in several months.

Crossed fingers and toes that two-thousand-and-twelve (———- and 00/100 cents) will be the best year ever.

 Waiting for your post on the KWAKMAS 2011 TV special. I heard the actual Liam Neeson showed up dressed as Liam Neeson the cat and there was a show stopping performance by Koyote in front of an audience of actual coyotes.

…so I thought I should, you know, step up to audience demand and talk to you about holiday festivities & about my TV special.

The Kwakmas 2011 TV special was livestreamed to an exclusive guest list — so exclusive, in fact,  that I can’t show you any footage without angering members of the guest list.  You will just have to my word for it that…

• A competitive eating competition involving ten thousand sugar cookies over-coated with red and green sprinkles was held, and  I beat both Takeru Kobayashi and The Black Widow.  Kobayashi got so mad that he started running around the stage furiously, waving his hands around and screaming, and he dusted the floor with about a dozen pounds of sprinkles.
• Liam Neeson the actor — who had heard about how I was pining for Liam Neeson the cat during my winter vacation – smothered himself with white and grey cotton balls, festooned his nose with pipe cleaners, and started meowing on stage.
• Koyote performed.  At first I was miffed that an OLD kpop group was performing (and not a group like TVXQ), but once I realized actual coyotes were in the audience and howling with joy, I started to relax and showed off some of my bboy moves.  My parents danced the macarena.

This is what the I would look like to you if we met at a bar (with, like, a really tall ceiling), and you had one too many egg nog:

Overall, I rate Kwakmas a 10 out of a 10, and I hope that you all have had/are having very nice holiday festivities, too